Joiners

Emily has joined Brownies.

I am conflicted.

On the one hand, I KNOW that this is a good organization, with a long history of service. I KNOW that she enjoys her time in the Brownie meetings.

On the other hand, I am uneasy. Not because of the organization, per se - but because I have a natural fear of joiners. They worry me.

I was not a joiner....although there were times when I desperately wanted to be one. My short time on the 7th & 8th grade girls basketball team? Went down in flames. My time as a candy striper? I became the special "Sunday" person who did clerical duties in the hospital..alone. My first job? Library Page...I shelved books...alone.

While I wondered what was going on in those groups, I also knew that I was deeply uneasy in them. I was too Much. I never laughed at the right times. I never wore the right clothes. I said things that were ...well, different.

This trait has been a mixed blessing for my child. I have no need to push her into groups or clubs or classes. She danced for five years, but she liked it and wanted to continue. When she was done, I did not fuss. "It just wasn't her thing", I assumed.

I protected her from her fathers overwhelming desire to have her take martial arts. As it was something he excelled at, he wanted HER to excel at it too ( a common theme in the Terrance and Emily dynamic).

However, when the time comes when she WANTS to join something, I fear that I am less than enthusiastic. I hemmed and hawed for the past three weeks about buying the Brownie shirts and while yes, I was busy with school and stuff and work, I think there was something more.

Once again I am faced with my own issues, my own childhood, my own growth. I look at my daughter whom I know intimately, yet really - do I?

She is not me.

I am not her.

And I am reminded that I must give her the scaffolding to be who she is meant to be, even if I am forced to grow outside my comfort zone.

Comments

[Laural]

That sounds so much like my mom and I!
She never really got it when I was joining groups and clubs as she was more introverted.
She was worried that I would get hurt/excluded etc. And I did sometimes. And sometimes I hurt or excluded others. But, as an introvert I loved that kind of stuff.
I think you're right though in letting her quit when she wants to!

[Aunt Needy]

Just remember, "I am you and you are me," but that does not mean you and M are joined at the hip, nor would you want to be. Introvert or extrovert, there is a place in this world for both.

I think this is an eternal parenting dilemma: where do I end and my child begin? where are we the same? where are we different? and how do I cope with that? ...at least, it is for me.

Keep breathing deep! :-)