My Mom is a Potty Mouth Degenerate...
Which, along with "Don't throw the Bitty Shoe at me", will be the titles of my daughter's parenting expose ala Mommy Dearest.
To those of you who have never read my other blog, You may not be aware of how much it is Keeeeelllling me to not work "blue", as it were. Yes, I am the Lenny Bruce of Mommy Bloggers.
I like to swear. Alot. Now, professional Dawn? Never swore. Beyond an occasional "phooey" or "crud", as I knew the mimicry ability of most infants and toddlers, having had more than one child care toddler repeat "Dammit" or "Shit" in context. Usually one parent or the other would confess to a particular favorite and own the swear word.
In my home, I am the "Dammit" parent. That one is mine - 100%. Terrance is the "ass" parent - as in "Get your Ass.....". When Emily told her toddler teacher that Daddy "beat Mama's ass", I had to assure my staff that I was not a victim of domestic violence. Nothing like being the Director and having all your business out there for the teachers.
Oh, and you all do know that your children repeat EVERYTHING that goes on at home to their child care providers and teachers - right? Verbatim. Oh yeah - the pregnancy you wanted to keep secret? The fight you and your partner had last night? Graphic play by play details.
Oh yeah. Everything. My favorite was a little girl who told me that her dad ate cigarettes and wore play-dough underwear. That was quite a picture I kept in my mind every time he picked her up at school. Might I add that he wasn't the most attractive of men - or does that really need to be said?
My kid does it too. Believe me. I have no doubt that her school teacher suspects I am a potty mouthed degenerate who drinks a whole bottle of wine on occasion and then blogs about it....
Oh. Well, maybe I am.
That's it, club mommers ( which is vastly different than clubbing Mummers..).
I hereby declare that I will let the "Dawn Show" commence. My freak, wine drinking, potty mouth, flag is being raised. I shit you not.
My child told his cousins yesterday that he wanted everyone to "Take off their clothes and wrestle." This made The General (my mom) almost faint!
And what's sad is that I have NO IDEA where he got that from but now my parents suspect I'm letting the kid watch porn!
I'm the F parent. I drop the F word far too much. I did it tonight even, when I burned my finger while cooking! So I know what you mean.
Posted by: Lisa B | 06/02/2006 at 12:45 AM
That's simply too offensive. I'm never coming back!
(Until you do an webcast fashion show of all your shoes whilst screaming expletives...)
Posted by: madge | 06/02/2006 at 07:15 AM
I'm really only a terrible potty mouth when I'm in traffic. Then, all bets are off with some of the dumba$$ idiots behind the wheels of their sh!tty jalopies cutting me off in traffic. Ba$tards.
Posted by: Andrea | 06/02/2006 at 10:37 AM
Sometimes no other words can match the perfect sentiment expressed in a cuss word. I've been told that's because I'm vocabulary challenged. Yeah, I'm OK with that. Cussing or not you are a kickass writer.
Posted by: kim | 06/02/2006 at 10:59 AM
Oooh, the gloves are coming off! Using curse words doesn't make a person inarticulate, after all. Sometimes, only a well placed four-letter (or more) word will accurately convey what you're feeling.
My husband and I are the KING AND QUEEN of swearing. It's a miracle my kids haven't started yelling F***! or G*D***IT! at school.
Posted by: Elizabeth | 06/02/2006 at 11:51 AM
I appreciate the Lenny Bruce comment. Good luck with the move!
Posted by: Stacy | 06/02/2006 at 03:01 PM
Yep, I'm all about "dammit". And I'm not apologetic, because it took a lot of effort to train "f***" out of my vocabulary (at least at home).
I'm with Madge. I would love to see that webcast!
Posted by: mothergoosemouse | 06/02/2006 at 04:52 PM
I never really realized how often I said "Jesus CHRIST!" until Julia, freshly two, dropped her sippy cup, leaned over and said, "JESUS CHRIST!" clear as a bell.
Um, oops.
Posted by: mama_tulip | 06/02/2006 at 06:50 PM
Play-Doh underwear? rofl
Posted by: Izzy | 06/04/2006 at 02:16 AM
Play-doh underwear, hmmmm. Seems like that would be very squishy.
I am pretty good about swearing around the girls, but when we're in the car all bets are off. Luckily they don't commute with us or they'd get a real earful.
Posted by: Nancy | 06/04/2006 at 11:23 PM
oh now this is so funny my grand daughter who is 7 and thinks she is grown we have raised her since she was born (diffrent story on that) when she got to be some age and was talking she would tell us that was a bad word and tell us to say that we were sorry (how funny is that)so now if we say a bad word we have to say oh sorry
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